blogness

Hi all-

Below is a letter I wrote a couple nights ago but then had problems sending. Enjoy. Yesterday was mellow. Mom and I went out for a nice dinner for my birthday and came home to got cozy. It was a fairly uneventful day but definitely a nice one! Thank you all for all the sweet phone calls and e-mails. Happy holidays and New Year! I hope everyone including your family and friends will have a festive, safe and joyful end to 2006. Love and miss you.

Love,

Dylan

December 13^th, 2006

Hello there all you delightful individuals,

I hope all are staying warm, dry, happy and healthy these cozy winter days! Dylan here, just wanting to send everybody kindhearted wishes for a lovely holiday season and subject you to yet even more of my busybee ramblings/updates. I’m writing these words to all you good folks across the globe from a busy little coffee shop in St. Louis, Missouri. At this point I should probably be paying the owners rent as it has become my second home as of lately.

It is the eve of my 28^th natal day. Another year has passed and a new one approaches. Fortunately, I am as cool as a cucumber and grinning from ear to ear. I could be stressing about the current limbo state of my life or becoming blue with visions of my fading youth yet somehow nothing could be further from the truth.

Since leaving California in early October my days here in Missouri have been calm yet crazy and uber challenging. Spending massive amounts of time alone trying to hardcore self-motivate and not dawdle is not always an easy feat for a highly social person who loves to live in the chaos of deadlines and details.

My school applications and portfolio compilings have been very slow but steady. My nocturnal tendencies and procrastinating ways worry me that I will not accomplish all that I need to but alas, I am somehow confident I will deliver strong results by the ever approaching deadlines. I tend to work better under pressure?! With one a half months left before sending off these possible keys to my next few years I am anxious, fearful and exhilarated. Indeed, the last couple of weeks have proven to be especially difficult. My moods have been lower than I’m accustom to but I’ve tried to cope, focus and take everything bit by bit. I attribute my surprisingly intact sanity to the hour long walks Harold and I take together every afternoon. Plus it helps that ma’s proven to be an amusing, delightful and not to mention clean roommate as well!

Luckily the tide of my discouragement has shifted as of this past week. After firmly deciding I will return to California to work for the summer- woo hoo- plus securing my plane tickets for my spring travels and couch surfing escapades I am finally able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Hooray!

My plan was always first to simply leave Santa Cruz in order to shake my life up, make some necessary adjustments, leave opportunity for newness and gain perspective. With all of those wheels in motion I have but only a couple months left here where I must buckle down to still prepare for next fall. Then the most logical step before finding stable work and saving cash is to have as much traveling fun as I can afford and fingers crossed interview at potential academies in the Netherlands.

The subsequent phase of my plan has for some time remained fuzzy. I could hardly envision life not as I had known it the past eight years so I knew I needed to first make those initial strides and then strategize. However, after my stint of unemployment and jet-setting adventures I always knew the next movement would be geared towards securing employment, saving some cash and enjoying my free time before embarking upon intense education. I had some inklings as to how I might spend the rest of the year before school: work on a fishing boat in Alaska, secure a job on a gay cruise ship, stay in Missouri to find a drafting/design position or maybe even return to California and spend the summer Santa Cruz Style. After realizing I will have only three and a half months to work after traveling but before schooling, obtaining employment out of the ordinary in a strange place seemed unfeasible and unappealing.

Summers in St. Louis are beyond brutally hot and although I’ve had and will continue to have in the next few weeks excellent times with both my mom and old school friends, a summer in California is impossible for me to resist. Visions of riding my bike on West Cliff, hiking new local parks I discovered last year, beach bonfires, Pride, fifty cent ticket nights at the Boardwalk, camping in the lower Sierras, city trips to visit Pa and Anna, potentially working for my previous and most favorite employer and hanging with tons of great folks sounds like a perfect summer to me. And… after finally laying the groundwork to immerse myself into an exciting new field of work through intensive studying come fall time I can truly enjoy a carefree summer without feeling stagnant and directionless as I have in the past in small town, expensive Santa Cruz. Unbelievable! Is everything really coming together or did I miss something here?

So believe it or not dreaming, planning, and working and playing hard truly can produce desired results… or so it seems thus far. Fingers crossed. I also know that much of my pleasure and happiness in life occurs as a result of both luck and privilege. For all of it I am whole-heartedly grateful. I am especially thankful to have such people in my life as all of you sitting here reading these ramblings from every extra adverb to descriptive adjective.

I truly hope the end of the year and subsequent holidays are super stress-free and festive for all. I look forward to seeing all of you fabulous people for more brilliant adventures in 2007. Many of you I will see in the next few months. Fantastic. I can’t wait. Be happy, healthy and not a stranger! Lots of big love from the Heartland. Happy holidays and NewYear.

Merrily,

Dylan

i am going insane… is it me or am i now fluent in deranged and the absurd? i think maybe.

so, i’m trying to create a portfolio that should take a normal person six months or longer… i’m shooting to do it in six little weeks and boy are they a freakin’ flyin’. it is literally freezing here and i’ve was booted off craigslist for being ‘inappropriate’ my first week back in ‘the lou’, aka st. louie, misery. what??? i suppose trannys aren’t quite the new black here as they are back in the bay. oh well, whoa is me. no time for curious incounters anyway. my eye be on the prize.

good news is… this mama’s gonna be done with all the school apps by february 1st, travelling in the springtime, living back in the bay area for the summer- hot dang!!! and then headed for an undisclosed location come fall time. so, the current insanity is well worth it indeed. or so i keep telling myself.

i wonder if i’ll be able to remember how to properly interact socially that is by the time i return from my self-imposed sabbatical. if not that might prove to be rather interesting. middle school flashbacks start to blur my vision……..whoa.

–hang on a minute… had to change into my wool socks, toes are icesickles–

i mean, i am not wholly alone here. i do hang with ma, an occasional high school bud and then of course there is dear old crazy as a puppy but twelve year old harold. good lord this dog is nuts but sweet as molasses is thick.

mr. harold is my saviour. i already dread the moment i pack up my car next may, head west and have to excommunicate the sweet fella from my daily life. poor baby. i love him so.

ya. so other than this i am spending faaaaar too many hours to be left to my own devices. i suppose i should just roll with the crazies tho as i do per usual. it always brings one somewhere…. right?!

okey dokey, onward and upward. time to sketch or something like that. can ya dig? hope you all fine mother fuckers are fabulous, soaking up that sunshine. punks. love you.

dyl-um